Friday, March 02, 2012

A mad person's thought about Brains...

    I like to think about my head sometimes, especially and specifically the brain part of the head.
    If you think about it, it's kind of funny. Now you may be thinking that I must be lacking that particular organ; if you are beginning to imagine some kid you don't know pointing and laughing insanely at your head.
In that case, you really would have had to suffer a compliment, for that someone just assumed that you have a brain!

    Why you may ask, do I think the brain part of the body is funny; (funny as in strange, not humorous.)

    There are four reasons why I think brains are funny:
      1) They're not very heavy for such an important part of the body.
    A friend of mine once told me that a human brain weighs between 2.8 and 3.0 pounds.

        BRAIN STORM!!
    I'll marry a Christian Medical examiner (he can't be an atheist because we wouldn't end up the same place) so that when I kick the bucket he can do an autopsy, take my brain out and weigh it. Then, when he bites the dust, we'll hook up in heaven and see what I got... I'm hoping for a double pounder, but maybe I'm thinking too highly of myself.

      2) It looks icky.
    If you were to find a three foot grub, fill it up with water like you would a balloon, wrap thin rubber bands around the length of the body every three inches, drop the grub in a jello mold in the shape of a lopsided basketball, fill it with half frozen cherry flavored jello; that's what I would imagine a brain looks like. 
    (Side note: If you can't find a three foot grub, I'm sure a three foot worm would do just fine.)

      3) It's hard to live without your brain. (Well, not yours specifically, but you know what I mean.)
    Your arm or leg weighs more than your brain, yet if you were to misplace an arm or leg you could still live with an asymmetrical life.If you were to misplace your brain you would...
    a) be dead, so really you wouldn't be reading this so the point is moot,
    b) be a zombie, or
    c) just plain dumb.

      Side Note:
    Since zombies eat brains, why is it that they don't seem to get any smarter?

      4) It controls you.
    Yes, like a man it wants to control everything you do. (Really, I don't know if men are like that--the reason being, I don't get out much so I don't usually get a chance to let a man try to control me.)
    So, if you are at your sister's wedding and just happen to sneeze all over her wedding cake, then claim it to be an accident, you lie. Your brain (which I would guess to be about three ounces underweight at this point) told you to do it. If not because you got dust up your nose, then because a radioactive fly is trying to drink your brain juice,

      (WARNING! Cheesy joke ahead!)
or subconsciously, you sneeze on her cake believing you're too good for devil's food cake.

      Side Note: 
    I was just thinking about how many guys I do know and hang out with. Even though there are very few to count, almost all the guys I know seem to be okay people.
    So if you are one of those women who constantly complain about the men in your life, you need to get a new life with nicer men, 
or you could become a zombie (they're too stupid to know how to complain). 
    And if you happen to be married to a controlling man then I dedicate this quote to you:

    "By all means, marry. If you get a good husband you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher."  -Socrates

From Your Mad Friend